I sometimes think that maybe those kids that grow up without "good Christian influences" and have to "find God" for themselves are better off than the ones that have had God in their lives from birth. Now the chances of them even encountering God in their youth may not be high, but at least their faith and relationship was a choice. I think that loving God was too easy for me. In a sense, I almost had to, though no one ever truly forced me to become a Christian. Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely thankful for my upbringing. But I still don't think my faith has ever really been tested.
I want to say that at the end of the day, the absolute one thing I always know I can fall back on is my faith in God. And maybe that is true. I just hope that when the time comes to test that, I'll be strong enough to not doubt, but just believe.
This has been a severely, emotionally see-saw type year. I have accomplished things that I am quite proud of, and in the same week, committed some of the dumbest acts of stupidity that I could possibly even imagine. And I'll get into that sometime...maybe not tonight. But I need to learn to forgive myself, and be easier on myself. Persy told me tonight something along the lines of, your self is the one person you will have to live with forever, and if you can't even forgive yourself, well...you're going to have a very long life.
